KY Intimacy Experiment Day 7

Day Seven: Sometimes a Fantasy


I believe that this day was Adam's favorite!


Day seven was all about finding our own unique "love map". First coined in 1980 by Dr. John Money of Johns Hopkins University, this term refers to "the sexual template expressed in every individual's erotic fantasies and practices."


So, in other words our love maps are like a blueprint of what turns us on and off and our sexual fantasies.


The day's activity had us writing down our turn-ons and our "erotically memorable experiences." Then we had to think about our fantasies. We had to describe our fantasy and what about our fantasy that turned us on. It was really surprising to what our fantasy was. 


The night's exercise was sharing our fantasy with each other. We then had to use our fantasy as inspiration for new variety in the bedroom!

KY Intimacy Experiment Day 6

Day Six: Getting Back in Touch


I really like the introduction of day six.


Sex is all about how we feel. Unfortunately, it's easy to forget that those sensations shouldn't be limited only to the bedroom. And when you're not being held, hugged, caressed, or otherwise touched outside of bed, it can be tough to want to be touched at all. We can't tell you how many women (and men) complain that their partners only touch them when they want sex.


This touched right at home with me. All of the above has happened to me. My husband never touched me unless he wanted sex and that had made me bitter. I was very happy to see what day six was all about. Every woman desires to be held and loved. 


Day six's exercises were all about getting back into touch with each other, both in and out of the bed.


For the day's activity we had to think back over the past week about how often we did touch each other and why we had touched each other. It was very limited...unfortunately.


We then had to make a list of 10 ideas on how to "touch" or interact with each other. Our list included some of the following:

• Hugging
• Holding hands
• Cuddling while watching tv
• Kissing
• Giving each other massages

It was really nice to have some interaction with each other throughout the day. It was brought to my attention that I have missed it very much so.

The night activity was a simple one...an erotic massage. Erotic massages helps ease sore muscles, reinvigorates sleepyheads and reawakens intimacy between couples. We both got a turn. I will stop with the details here! LOL!

KY Intimacy Experiment Day 5

Day 5: Fun and Games


I learned on day 4 that too much comfort is a bad thing for relationships. But the main thing that we learned from day 5 activities is that being secure in our relationship can also be a benefit. If you are secure in your relationship, then you will be more than likely up to trying new things and not feel embarrassed.

Novelty can help boost a couple's relationship. Nonsexual activities can help couples enjoy higher quality relationships.

Day activity:
Choose an activity that you've never done together before. I was very excited about this! We went out and shot pool together. We had never done this before and we use to play pool when we was younger and loved it so I knew we would have fun.

The night activity was jammed packed with fun! We got to play a card game. All we needed was deck of cards, a pack of blank index cards, and two pens.

Then you take the stack of blank index cards and split them between yourself and your partner. Then take your pile and again split it in two. On half of your index cards write down the most sensitive body parts and hot spots. For example, your right breast, the hollow of your neck...On the other half, write down a method of touch that makes you weak. For example, a closed mouth kiss, or a firm rub. When you are both done, put all your cards together in the center of the coffee table, with the body parts in one pile, and the methods of touch in the other.

Then, you start playing some poker. The winner will choose a card from the top of the body part pile and a card from the method of touch. The loser has to do what the winner chooses!

I must admit it was A LOT of fun.

KY Intimacy Experiment Day 4

Day 4: Outside the Comfort Zone


One of the things that I have learned so far is that irony of love is that sexual attraction thrives partly on novelty, newness, and mystery, while long term relationships typically require comfort, trust and dependability. 


Adam and I are a very comfortable couple. We can do almost anything around each other. The one thing that I am not THAT comfortable doing in front of Adam is using the bathroom. Um, no. A little bit of privacy is a must!

I love being comfortable around Adam. Why would I want to be with somebody when I can not be comfortable?

I was really excited about the day exercise. We got to explore ways to enjoy that comfort without losing intimacy or sexual excitement.

First, we had to look at a list of "comforts" that blocks us from having an amazing sex life.
The list included:

• Sleep with kids or pets in your bed or bedroom Guilty
• Have (and) use a television, computer or smartphone in your bedroom Guilty
• Spend your evenings surfing the internet, emailing, visiting social networking sites, or playing computer games. GUILTY
• Bring your cell or smartphone on "date nights" or spend time texting or playing with your phone while in the presence guilty
• Leave the door open while in the bathroom
• Perform personal grooming habits in front of your partner guilty
• Sometimes skin basic hygiene because you are too tired, lazy or think your partner does not care...haha guilty. 

We was guilty of all but one! Now thinking about the beginning of our relationship...I can say that we did none of these! 

I was a bit nervous about the night's exercise...A clothing-optional night.

Over time, you may start to feel more self-conscious about your body. I know I have since I had my children. My body has changed over the past 5 years...some in good ways other in bad ways. I am def. more aware of my body.

But the exercise was about getting to that point of comfort around each other with our bodies. It was a very different experience and showed us that we can be like we use to be..but even better!

KY Intimacy Experiment Day 3

Day 3: Everything Old is New Again

The first sentence I read when starting day 3 was: Remember what your relationship was like in the beginning?

I do remember what my relationship was like in the beginning. I guess you can say we was the typical lovey dovey couple, wanting to be affectionate all the time...both in and out of the bed.

Day 3 is focused on generating an even bigger spark. I did not know what to expect. A bigger spark than at the beginning of our relationship?! I could not even imagine what it would be like.

The exercise for the day was to list all the things that "turned me on" when I first met Adam. I will list a few:

• Kindness
• Humor
• He actually cared about what I was feeling.

I won't go into the whole list I made. After I remembered why I liked him, I had to think about things that turned me on now. The first thing that I thought of was that he was a good parent to our girls. I could count on him whenever I needed him. He provided for me and my children.

But, after all the positive things we got to list out negative things! HAHA. I bet you can just imagine my list of the typical things this man does to get on my nerves.

After looking at my lists, I realized that a lot of the negative things has gotten in our way of experiencing all the positive things. I guess that happens over time.

The excerise for the night was to SPICE UP DATE NIGHT. I was really excited about this! I wanted a date night like we use to have before kids. We did what the book suggested. I found a babysitter and we meet at a spot we agreed upon. We were not Jennifer and Adam...We got to be somebody else for the date. I decided to be a sexy out of towner that just happened upon a handsome country boy at the local bar....and the date night began!

It was really fun to get out of our old routine and just be free with each other. It was a great experience!

KY Intimacy Experiment Day 2

Day 2: It's Not Just About Sex


I really miss the first days of my relationship with Adam. You know...the holding hands, lovey dovey days? After being married for almost 7 years and having 2 children together...the lovey dovey days have just disappeared. 


There are days that I just sit here and wish that I could get some type of attention from Adam like I use to when we first started dating. So I was very pleased to learn that day 2 was focused on connections outside the bedroom. Connections that create "transferable" desire and contribute to lasting sexual desire and fulfilling sexual experiences. 


For instance, holding hands while walking through the mall or any store, watching a romance movie together, cooking a meal together. 


It seems like we have forgotten that the little things do matter...Adam more than me. 


So, the exercise for the day was to identify gaps in our relationship and brainstorming ways to fill them with more types of positive interactions.


It was brought to our attention that we have forgotten that a simple hug could make us feel closer. It brought a lot of things that I have dearly missed to Adam's attention. 


The exercise of the night was to do the small things again. Getting close again was the main goal of tonight. Looking into each other's eyes and embracing into a hug brought us closer than we have been in a long time.


We now have a goal to kiss each other every day, tell each other "I love you". We are bringing back the emotions from the early dating days!

KY Intimacy Experiment Day 1

My husband and I have started the KY Intimacy Experiment. It is a 10 day experiment. I was very excited when I was given the opportunity to do this 10 day challenge. 


I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost 7 years. If you have been married for a long time, you know (just as well as I do) that intimacy can fizzle over time.


According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of intimacy is "the state of being intimate: familiarity." 


After 7 years and 2 children, my husband and I have gotten into a routine. Same things...every day. Yea, it is great to be with somebody and be so comfortable around each other...but after awhile the same old routine...in the bed...can get very old and cause tension. So..in order to bring back the intimacy, we started day 1.


Day 1 Love Nest:


For day 1, I had to revamp our bedroom. I had to create a "private play-space that's inspiring and protected from the stresses of the outside world." 


A very important point was brought up in our intimacy book...
Assess the mess.
I was told to stand and just look around our bedroom through a strangers eyes. Would I then want to have sex in our bedroom? The answer was no. It was piled up with our children's stuff, clothes, my stockpile. It really needed to be revamped. Our room did not have that "mood". 


So after I assessed the mess, I had to get rid of the negative. I removed the clutter! After I cleaned up a bit, I had to look around at what was left. Could my bedroom use a little makeover? Well, since I live in an apartment, I really could not just up and paint my bedroom. But I did rearrange our room and make it look a lot better!


Then I had to make a little "toy box". This was fun. I put a little bit of adult items in this box. I added all the goodies that was sent to me for this challenge. Tee Hee!


Now, that night we got to enjoy the spoils of all my hard work! 


So, How did my bedroom seem to affect my sex life before the revamp? After?
Well, it brought us down. It reminded us that we have children. Toys everywhere. I had to revamp our room to an ADULT BEDROOM. It is nice not to constantly see toys everywhere!


Now, stay tuned tomorrow for day 2!